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All of us no matter our status in life have dealt with demons, from rich to poor famous to average. Skydiving or any extreme sport has been an outlet for many and will continue to help people from all walks of life for year to come. Below you will find one story that Joe Enyart was kind enough to share with the community.
If you are struggling please reach out if even to the PussFoot team
we are hear for you.
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"Second star to the right and straight on till morning"
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I am very hesitant to type this out and have waited and thought for months about whether or not I should even bother. However, I feel that my story can do no harm but hopefully help somebody else out who may being going through hard times in life.
First off, this is not a pity party of any sorts. It's my last 3 years and no more than that. I'm much better now than I was.
Based on a plan I'd made, typed out, and was following through with, I had planned on taking my life on August 13th, 2019. Obviously that didn't happen. But there were things that happened in my life that led me up to the point of me feeling I shouldn't be around anymore.
In 2017, I had to move my ex-wife, her son, and Jayla ( my daughter ) out of the state due to abuse towards my ex-wife that was happening from her son’s sperm donor. It killed me to have to do that and any of you who know me knows I'm a very active part in Jayla's life. Jayla has been in Wisconsin ever since. I was struggling to cope with civilian life coming out of Active Duty, even still being in the National Guard. Once I moved them there and came back to Georgia, I wound up moving into a house with a couple friends. I needed a place pretty badly and wasn't about to move back home with my parents.
Splitting rent and utilities seemed to work for a while but due to unforeseen circumstances and things beyond my control, the decision was made by the two other individuals that they would no longer pay for the house we were renting and they moved out. I couldn't afford a place of my own at the time and having just finished a bankruptcy, there was no way I'd be qualified to either. It's at that time I hit an all time low and set a date I would take my life.
I wanted to experience things still and so I wrote my suicide note telling where my body would be and that it was nobody else's fault as to why I did this. I set the date and started experiencing some really cool things I've always wanted to do.
I even made plans to move to Florida to go to school as I've told many of you and it wasn't a lie. I sincerely wanted to do that in my head but in the back of my mind, I knew what was really going to be my future.
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I was already dealing with depression and for anybody who knows depression, its a mindset and a lot of the times, you don't think logically and I ended up living out of my car for a year. I got to know Walmart parking lots and the local police quite well. The local cops would check in on me periodically. I told nobody I was homeless because in my head, this is what I deserved and it was my own problem to deal with. After mostly a year of doing that, I did reach out to my sister who let me crash at her place.
I did spend my time with Jayla and my family and we had a great time but I wasn't happy. I have a smile that could fool anybody and that's what I did. 2019 comes around and my best friend Melissa asks me to go skydiving with her for her 30th birthday and since I've always wanted to skydive, I decided it would be a great last bucket list item for me to check off in July. July rolls around and we show up to Skydive Spaceland Atlanta. I wasn't that nervous and they set my first Tandem up with Cray Adamson. It was quite funny they chose the smallest guy to jump with me lol. I understand why now. I get my brief, get suited up and we got on the aircraft and headed up to 11,000'. Once we were at altitude, Cray and I moved up to the door and fell out. It was this moment that my life took an unexpected turn. We stabilized and I saw the world around me and for the first time in nearly 5 years, I experienced true happiness. I felt free and couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear.
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That Smile and that G4
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Once we landed and we got back to the hangar, I knew I had to do that again so I purchased another tandem along with purchasing the Ground School Program which teaches you the beginnings of becoming a solo skydiver. My plans changed in a matter of seconds and I knew I needed to hold onto this happiness because I had hope now. I began my journey into learning how to become a skydiver and for the next 4 months, I went skydiving almost every weekend. Due to being a larger guy, Cray was one of the only instructors who would jump with me and I'm forever grateful for his trust in my abilities.
I remember the night I camped out there and it was that night Cray told me his story about loss and overcoming his own depression. He also told me the story about another Military Veteran who'd had his life changed because of skydiving.
I am now a licensed skydiver. I've got my own gear, an additional family at the drop zone and beyond. I've discovered purpose for myself. I was lost and close to my end, just a month away but I've restarted my life and its not a perfect start by any means. I've got new financial burdens as a result of my original plan to commit suicide and I'm not where I want to be but I'm alive and able to take care of these things now and my beautiful daughter has her happy father back.
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Him Him
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There are so many people who have played positive roles in my life as of late. Aside from the two I've already mentioned, my parents Kathy and Patrick, my sister Stephanie, my friend Audrey, my very good buddy Calvin, the manager at Spaceand Atlanta Kevin, Mindy for being my rock, Some of my leadership at my National Guard Unit, Sky Zoomies, Lisa, Jake, Christian, Justin, and the rest of the staff at Spaceland Atlanta and my best friend Melissa. Skydiving has saved and changed my life and is extremely therapeutic for me. I see myself doing this for the rest of my life until I cannot anymore. There are others I would like to thank and they know who they are.
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“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” Peter Pan
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Thank you all who took the time to read this. Life is really a shit show sometimes and even when you've lost all hope like I did, there are ways out of it and you've got to really force yourself to get out there and do things you wouldn't ordinarily do and let people in. Some will take advantage of that but you can't let those people ruin it for you because you ARE amazing and I love each and every one of you. Thanks again and thank you for being a part of my life, whichever part you play and I hope to bring happiness into yours. Take care.and BLUE SKIES!!!
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As always if you or someone you know are struggling with depression or suicidal thought please reach out for help. Contact us or the suicide hot line listed below
This to shall pass
You still have so much to see
1-800-273-8255
Thanks for being brave enough to write and share this part of your story, smart enough to hold onto things that bring you joy, and resilient enough to push through even when you felt there was no point. I relate in ways to this story and admire how your push yourself deeply into things that bring you joy. That’s what I’ll take away from this to remember to do more of this for myself as reminders of why life is worth living.
You have no idea how much I admire you! So brave!!!!! So remarkable
Thanks Joe. I needed to see this message as I go through the same things. I will continue to pray for you as I ask you to do for me. I know it feels. Glad to see you happy and in a better place.